10 Things you should NEVER say to a woman with fertility challenges!

One of the things I haven’t told many people is that I struggled with fertility. Being a mother is something most, not ALL women dream about, so when my husband and I struggled to have our daughter “organically” I quickly realized our dream may not come to fruition. After 3 surgeries, 2 rounds of IVF and 1 round of IUI, nothing worked. Although we received our bundle of joy by conceiving the old fashion way, there are just some things you NEVER should say to a woman with fertility challenges.

So for all you ladies that have been or are currently in those shoes, here’s a list of 10 things you NEVER say to a woman with fertility challenges.

  1. So why don’t you just adopt, there are so many children out there who need homes.
  2. You’ll get pregnant you just need to relax.
  3. Maybe it’s just not meant to be.
  4. My friend’s cousin, wife’s aunt, had problems getting pregnant and now she has three kids.
  5. At least you won’t have to change dirty diapers.
  6. I once told a friend that  my IVF round failed and her response was, “OH!,” and then she continued to talk about herself.
  7. I’m sorry.
  8. You can try again.
  9. Have you ever thought of using a surrogate.
  10. Do you want to plan my baby shower?

Although these may not be the ten worst things someone could say to you, it certainly can be very painful when you feel that no one understands and you feel as though it’s only happening to you.

During the entire process the friends that just simply listened or said I don’t know what to say are the people who I truly felt cared for me.

Have you ever said or been the receiver of an insulting comment while you were pregnant or trying to conceive?



  1. Wow this is so insightful and thankfully I haven’t run into much less said those things to women who were having fertility problems. I just read a novel where one of the characters also struggled with fertility and she could have written your list!

    Thanks for mentioning what we should do or say. I think listening and just being there is good advice for anyone going through something difficult.

    • Hi Nina. I agree listening and just being there makes all the difference in the world:) In certain situations it’s difficult to know the right thing to say, but you hit the nail on the head. Thank you for stopping by.

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